I've lost focus. I've lost the drive.
I just want a break from everything & come back when I'm ready to accept reality.
Just a few hours ago, I was telling a friend that life is a bitch. Life is hard, but you just have to deal with it. There is really no easy way out. But here I am talking about wanting a break from everything and come back when I'm ready.
I think school plays a big part on why I feel this way. I was supposed to meet with my co-ordinator today, but she didn't even show up. I later find out, the program I'm trying to get into is waitlisted. So, there's a possibility I'm not going to be able to go to school this coming September. I know you're probably thinking, "why are you complaining?!". But I feel like, I made a big mistake by dropping out of my program. Only because I saw the look on my Mom's face. But, I'm doing this for me.. because I was not happy. I know, I'm not going to be happy for the rest of my life in that direction. Most of my life, I was doing things to make someone else happy first than myself.
Right now, I'm practically on my own. My parents refuse to pay for my tuition and books. I have to find a job that will pay for all of that. And as of right now, I'm unemployed. Can you imagine how crappy I'm feeling right now? For 21/22 years, I've been dependent on my parents. Even while I had a job, they were still supporting me. When I had a job, it was just extra cash to spend on the unnecessary wants.
I'm starting to head to the direction I had 3 years ago, in the medical field. If I continued it 3 years ago, I would be done by now.
I need that drive back. And I need to refocus. I'm not getting any younger.
No comments:
Post a Comment